Simple Saturday

.Since I am too tired to write, I will just offer you this pic.

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But, next week stay tuned for these upcoming posts.

Faeries...Fact or Fiction

Giant Spiders

Don't Kill the Messenger

Spring, the season of Death

Baby Got Back

Cracker Jack's You're a Bully

and

The Big Gorilla is Weird

How I Spent $80 On A Plate

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So, I got a call from one of my bosses. Not the "big gorilla", but the other one.

The conversation started like this. "What's your plate number?"

Me: "I don't know. Why?"

Not the "big gorilla" says, " I have a speeding ticket here."

I burst out laughing. "Im-poss-e-bley!" I responded. (Yes, I threw him the french accent.)

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"Everywhere I go is no faster than 45 mph.", I tell him. "Give me a few minutes and I'll call you back with my plate number."

I call back and tell him my plate number. He says, "Yep, I thought so. It's you."

"What? Where?' I cried out.

"Same place I got mine.", he said.

Seems. I was driving 41 mph in a 25 mph work zone.

And that's the story of how I spent $80 on a plate.

But at least I wasn't driving over 45 mph. Then I would have been a liar and a speeder.

Oh, the best part is that the ticket was issued March 26th. That's six weeks ago, I travel this same section of road up to 4 times a day.

I'm holding my breath for the next six weeks. Ack!

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Vacation Seaside in Sunny Colorado

Do you remember the night I saw a mermaid, here in Colorado?

Not long after that I saw a seagull.

Only problem is I don't live here.

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I live some where around here.

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So, I was somewhat surprised when I saw this.

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Because, remember, I live somewhere around here.

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Did you notice the surprising lack of...

well? 

An ocean?

Yeah! Me too!!

So at 6:01 am on Tuesday, I saw a pelican near my home.

What's A Chick to do?!

I pondered calling the Wildlife and Game Commission,

 as this has got to be the furthest inland a pelican has ever flown!

And I saw it!!

All day, I thought about that pelican and about the seagull I saw a few weeks ago.

Then I saw this.

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A white pelican, two white doves, what was next?

Well, I'll be a monkey's momma, if this isn't what I saw!

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Another seagull!!!

That did it!

I called my friend up.

I said, "Hey, Jeffafa! You will never believe what I saw today!"

"A pelican!"

He says, "So."

Really was not the reaction I was expecting.

I was all ready to call the Wildlife Fish and Game Commission to report a white pelican and well, they kind live down the road from me, year round.

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Who knew?!

 

Al Jazeera. Ummm....Hello

Hello Dear Readers,

Something interesting has happened to this little blog o'mine.

It seems I have caught the attention of a news media outlet.

Oh, not the local farm report for my in depth research of what to do with sixteen pounds of strawberries or my opining of dandelion jelly.

Would you believe that people are accessing my blog through an Al Jazeera news source?

I kid you not!

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In the 2000s, the network was praised by the Index on Censorship for circumventing censorship and contributing to the free exchange of information in the Arab world, and by the Webby Awards, who nominated it as one of the five best news web sites, along with BBC News, National Geographic and The Smoking Gun. It was also voted by brandchannel.com readers as the fifth most influential global brand behind Apple, Google, Ikea and Starbucks. In 2011, Salon.com said Al Jazeera's coverage of the 2011 Egyptian protests was superior to that of the American news media, while U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton also opined that the network's news coverage was more informative, and less opinion-driven than American journalism.

The above paragraph is from Wikipedia.

Who's next? CNN? The Weather Channel? PBS?

Should I be flattered?

Or hiding under my bed?



 

Common Courtesy. Where have you gone?

I personally blame the rise of feminism for this mess.

"We're all equal!"
"Same job same wages."
"Don't treat me differently than a man."
Blah, blah blah.

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Well, Gloria Steinem, kiss my ass.

I work with all men with the exception of one other solitary woman. But she's black so she doesn't count. Ha! Just kidding on that one.

Anywhoo, I don't like that when "the big gorilla" is speaking to us as a group, he  feels the need to say, Blah, blah, blah you guys and ladies".

Do Not single me out! Guess what? I know I have girl parts. Everyone else knows I have girl parts. Big efin' deal. I chose this job to support myself knowing that I work in a man's field. At this job, I  am one of the guys. I don't get special treatment because of my vagina.

Holy crow. I am off topic!

This posting is about common courtesy.

My pet peeve is opening doors for others. Please don't misunderstand. I open doors regularly, in uniform or not. My theory behind opening doors while in uniform is this, I work for a huge company. Me, being polite is great Public Relations.

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For example:

While opening a door for myself, I look behind me to make sure I am not slamming the door shut on another human being. Even if you are a few paces behind, I will often wait.

If someone appears to be in a bigger hurry than me, I will allow them to enter first or if someone is dressed nice and the weather is inclement.

I expect the same treatment, except for the me being in a bigger rush. Really, who cares.

When someone holds the door open for me, internally I breathe a little sigh of relief, and smile and verbally thank them.

Now here's the rub. WOMEN AND YOUNG GIRLS!

Men will generally thank me. I do understand that some may be uncomfortable with me, a woman holding open a door for them. But it's a  small kindness on my part. If I'm in uniform it's a public service. If I am dress like a normal person, it's just me being nice. Also, when I am dressed normal, I don't stand there like a doorman for a man. It's more like not letting the door slam them in the face.

Okay, now back to the WOMEN AND YOUNG GIRLS!

WTF!!!!!!!!

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SERIOUSLY!! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS???

YOU DO NOT RULE THE EARTH!! 

YOU ARE NOT AS ATTRACTIVE AS YOU THINK! 

YOU 

ARE NO BETTER THAN ANYONE!

Anywhoo...I am tired of women not thanking me. It has gotten so bad, that I feel the need to "gently" remind them of their poor upbringing and general lack of manners by saying quiet loudly, "THANK YOU." I then pause and and loudly proclaim, "YOU'RE WELCOME." Yes, slightly rude, I know.

But now it seems that this has all worked up under my skin. Because, just the other day, I was entering a building. A young twenty-ish woman was walking behind me.

This building has the double door entry, a small vestibule, then the next set of double doors into the main lobby.

I opened the first set of doors. She walks in. I walk to the second set of doors.
Now in the span of five or six steps, NO THANK YOU!
So, I stop. I turn around. Go back to the first doors behind her.

I swear to God, she was dumbfounded that I did not open the second set of doors for her. She opens the door and I walk in muttering, who knows what, like a crazy person.

There is no funny ending or twist to this story. Just me railing against bad manners and rudeness.

I open doors, not to give you a sense of superiority. But to offer you a little kindness in this world.

With all that being said, I declare myself as 

Unofficial Official of Politeness and Good Manners.

How I will go about this now is as follows....

I open door. 

If you do not acknowledge this simple courtesy,

 I will stop, 

turn, 

look you in the eye, 

smile 

and ask,

"Excuse me, did you say something?"

Hooboyandhowdy... billions of people on the earth. I have my work cut out for me.

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5 Monkeys and Mother's Day

Before I tell you what the monkeys got me for Mother's Day. I will first tell you of how I ended up with 5 monkeys.

It was 2 am on some hot night and I was on the phone with family overseas.

Samson, my original monkey, was sleeping on the floor, as monkeys are not allowed to sleep in the bed with me. The air conditioner is on and I'm chatting away on the phone.

I hear a whimper and I look down at Samson, thinking he is making noises in his sleep. He looks fine. I continue to talk on the phone.

I again hear a whimper and I realize that it is not Samson, the whimper came from outside my window. I jump up and look out the window. I swear I just saw a possum run under the window.

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Crap, I think to myself, possums don't whimper but a puppy will. I tell the family member, I gotta go! There is a puppy in my yard!

I go outside and I don't see one puppy but TWO! Then I look out past the hole in the fence and see not one more puppy, but TWO MORE! Holy Crapfest, FOUR PUPPIES!!!

Now this will give you some idea of the condition these poor babies were in.

The past couple of days the temperatures were soaring past the 100 degree mark!
They were skeletal, with big bellies full of worms.
They were so tiny that I could carry all four of them in both hands.
Truly pathetic little creatures.

I first gave them some water, then drove over to Walmart 15 miles away. Because, they need puppy food and worm medication. Fifteen miles later, I discover that this Walmart is not open 24/7.
Who knew?

Flash forward a bit.

I tried to give them away. I went to Petsmart, Walmart and Petco. I set up "shop" in the parking lots.

People wanted to know what kind of pups they were. Hell if I know! Four legs, a tail and unconditional love! What more do you want from a dog?!

I looked up all the shelters. This was not a good thing for dogs. In Hell, where I lived Craigslist was full of unwanted dogs. People in Hell throw dogs on the sides of the road and let them fend for themselves or shoot them.

So long story short, my 5 monkeys have a forever home with me.

Okay, so with a few bucks, I sent the monkeys to Walmart. Like Walmart would notice. Pfft...have you seen what shops at Walmart?

Anywhoo.....here's what they bought me.

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Yes, an owl scent warmer night light. Mine plugs into the wall and has a lid on the top. Where most lids belong. Good choice from the monkeys!

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Good choice by the monkeys! I needed these for my other scent warmer. These monkeys are very thoughtful!

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Another clever gift from the monkeys! I needed one of these to put my tea concentrate in. Who knew monkeys watch me so closely in the kitchen!

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Okay, this one had me stumped. Are the monkeys tell me to get off the couch and into the game or what?! Do the monkeys think I am fat? WTH? I'm being judged by monkeys? Ack!! To hell with that! So I threw the stupid basketball out in their yard. Where Snoopy brought it back into the house no more than 2 minutes later looking like this:

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I'm really not sure how to interpret this.

Anywhoo...my favorite son picked me up a new laptop. That's 'cause he's got bigger pockets than the monkeys.

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Happy Mother's Day!

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