Inevitability

If a plug needs to be pulled, do it with no guilt, remorse or shame.
I don't want a casket or a funeral.
Scatter my ashes in a river that flows to the sea.
Of all my possessions, choose just one to cherish. The rest sell, give away or toss.

Of what money is left, have a party surrounded by your friends and family.
Drink, toast to my memory. Laugh at my craziness. Remember my love.
Celebrate my life, not my struggle.`

Remember my laughter.
Remember how I treated others.
Remember my love for children and animals.
Remember how I would find beauty in the mundane.
Remember adventures no matter how small.
Remember I was an independent thinker.

Know that I loved ferociously.
That my heart was huge, but tender.

Know that my greatest joy, my greatest love is you.
Know that I want you to have every thing you need in your life to be happy.
Know that I want your struggles to be few and short lived.
Know that I want you to be surrounded by loving friends and family for the whole of your days.

Know that in your children's laughter, I will be there.
Know that when you hear a bird singing, I will be there.
Know when you are hurting, I am there.
Know that when you are your happiest, I am there.

Beyond the curtain of death is unknown,
but science tells us that matter is not destroyed,
it just changes.
I will be with you forever.
My love for you is beyond the moon.

With Eternal Love,

Mom
XOXOXOXOXOXO

My New Boyfriend

So, just yesterday, I was lamenting that I need a boyfriend. Guess what? I got one now!

Okay, everyone always asks, "Aww, how did you meet?" So I will tell you all about it!

I meet him today while I was working at his family home.

His mother greets me at the door, and there he stands a little to the left of her, just behind. Holy cow! He throws me a killer smile!

I don't get all flustered, because, I mean, seriously, where could this possibly go?

As I am doing what I do, he approaches me from behind and checks out my tools. I turn and smile and say, "Hi!" He says, "Hi!" Smiles and backs away from me just a bit.

You know that feeling when you just know someone is really into you? Well, I was getting that signal B I G T I M E !

Now before I tell you the rest of the story, I will tell you of the phone call that I made to my son about my new boyfriend.

Hi Sugarpoo! I got a new boyfriend!
He's kinda short, kinda chubby.

My boy says, "Okay."

Did I tell you he is Mexican?

"Okay."

Oh, and he's missing a couple teeth.

"Oookay."

So now back to my new chubby, little hunk!

He is watching everything I do, with such admiration and curiosity. I turn and smile and he gives me that big grin of his.

I see that he is a little in awe of me and maybe just a touch shy. So, now I need to make the first move.

So I say, "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

He about burst out of his skin and yells, "Y E S!"

His older sister is about to die from laughter. And his mother is asking what was said as she only speaks Spanish. He daughter tells her and the mother bursts out laughing.

Now sadly, I'm afraid that this relationship with be short lived. After all, he is young enough to be my son. He will find someone younger than me and possibly she will have dimples and love to play at the playground. But I have to tell ya, a six year old boy's love is hard to beat.

via

 

Why This Son Is My Favorite

My baby boy is just incredible. Smart, handsome, kind...yeah, I know, just like yours.

But my boy is better and this is why.

Did he develop the cure for cancer?
No.
Did he rescue an orphan moose, hand feed it back to health and release it back to the wild?
No.

But he did take my picture.
Then he drew on the picture, in purple.

He drew a purple crown on my head and wrote, "My Mom" on the bottom of the photo in purple.

Then he sent it to a bunch of his friends.

Think about what he did. Reread it.

Now you must be thinking, "Awww, how sweet! He does love his Mom soooo very much!"
And you would be correct.

The best part of all this?
My son is not 6, 10 or 15 years old.

He is a 6'3" 25 year old man.

And yes, he loves me very much!


 
Ps. He is my only son, that's why he's my favorite son. I tell him this all the time! Of course, he is my only child, so I can get away with it!

Dating and 5 Monkeys...

Not gonna happen.

But I have been thinking.
I may have a plan.

Let me just say that as a woman with five monkeys, if I had no monkeys I would probably not want to date a man with five monkeys.

via

Five monkeys equal mental issues. Jus' sayin'.

Unless of course, it's a really sexxy man with a lot of land and five monkeys. And a full time housekeeper, an ugly one.

But back to my plan.

I will put myself out there and see what swims close.
Then as things progress, as I am a most fascinating creature, he will want to come over. But I will make excuses that have nothing to do with monkeys.

He will be so over the top about me, but a little suspicious as to why I won't have him over my home.

I will go to his place. We will have wild sex everywhere.
Roller coasters, cars, bridges, etc. And yes, his house will have all this.

via

Now that he is so enthralled by me and drunk on sex, he will begin to question why he can't come over.

Then I will tell him I am married.

This will shock him, of course. But he is soooo inebriated by love he makes the
ultimate declaration of love.

"I will have to kill your husband."

Then we jump into the car to do the deed. We race back to my home in order to kill my husband.
We go into the house...

Now, knowing that he truly loves me, I will break the news of no husband.
I have five monkeys.

If he freaks, I will have the monkeys tear him from limb to limb.
If he thinks, "This is Awesome." I will keep him.

Seems like a win win situation to me.

via

Free Throne

While wandering around the "net". I came across this and well, curiosity got the better of me.

Free Throne

So, I think that someone is giving away a free toilet. Moving on, or so I thought.

The free throne photo was small and of all things, multicolored.
A multicolored toilet I have never seen.
Who in their right mind would pass up a free throne, multicolored or not?

So, I opened up the photo.
I'm unpredictable like that.

Imagine my surprise when I saw this.

Soooo, NOT a toilet. Not that I was looking for free multicolored toilets, mind you.

The description melted my heart.

"I built this for my wife's birthday. We carried her around the block on it. It was a lot of fun. It weighs about 60 pounds. It would be nice for someone else to use it instead of it just going to the dump."

WOW!!!

I know it's no where near St. Valentine's day. And we certainly don't need another holiday between Halloween and Christmas.

But...

Being that I am the Empress of the Universe,

I declare to all upon the Planet Earth, 

that today November 26th, 2012

be declared and observed in perpetuity as

Hug Your Love Day.

and free thrones, for all!