Silent Sunday 061613

via

 

Today I am here

Mile High Flea Market

If you look real hard, you can see me waving to ya!

 

The Best Practical Joke EVER!!!!!!

With my job, I drive around alot! So, I am sorry to say that it gives me plenty of time to think. I think of lots of things, but I forget to write them down. Then, if you and I are lucky, that little thought pops back up and I think, "I should blog that!"

So today I,

 yes,

 ME,

 invented the 

WORLD'S GREATEST PRACTICAL JOKE!

There is only one rule to this joke. 

You must do this to someone you absolutely 

DO NOT KNOW. 

Only because, this joke is 

SOOOO AWESOME 

you will be tempted to brag.

I guarantee,

 the person you prank 

will talk about this for the rest of their lives!!

Things you will need:

Yes, kids. This what us old people used to talk on. via

a phone
the ability to block your phone number
the name of two famous people
the ability to dial a random phone number

Ready,

Set,

GO!!!

Let's pretend I am calling you, but in this instance I am a man.

You: Hello?

Me: Hi, may I please speak to Angelina?

You: I'm sorry, there is no Angelina here.

Me: Oh! Are you the new assistant?

You: What?

Me: Are you Angelina's new assistant? It's okay, tell her it's Brad.

You: What?!!

Me: Oh, I'm sorry. What number did I dial?

You: Umm.. 444-555-6666

Me: Oh, I'm sorry to have bothered you! I read that number as a 9.

Then hang up!

HOLY CRAP!!! 

THEY WILL BE TELLING THIS STORY FOR YEARS!!!

via

The beauty of this joke is two fold. 

Your prankee thinks that they have just spoken to a famous person and 

that their phone number is just ONE NUMBER off from another famous person. 

It will drive them batty!

 

Colorado On Fire

7*89--Aerial photos of the Black Forest Fire outside Colorado Springs, Colorado. (Photo by John Wark / Special to the Denver Post)

Okay, first, let me just say.... I DIDN'T DO IT!
Now that we have that out of the way, let's move on.

WOW!! The smoke around Denver is just, well, smokey! I can't even see the mountains!

Aside from it sucking from a homeowners point of view, where they just lost their house, belongings and sometimes their pets, it sucks for me too. Only because I am selfish and thoughtless to those suffering major losses. Because, why? You ask?

Because, without the mountains in my sights, I have no clue which direction I am heading. Oh, but use your GPS, you say. Well, phooey to that idea.

My GPS hates me and I swear, plots my demise constantly.
I want shortest route.
GPS heads me off a cliff.
I'm running behind to an appointment.
GPS takes me three miles out of my way.
I want to avoid a roadblock.
GPS sends me to a dead end.

Once, and I swear this is true. GPS asked me, "Are you in a building?"

NO YOU STUPID GPS!!! I'M RIGHT WHERE YOU DIRECTED ME!!!

GPS is a bitch!

On the plus side of the day, I have discovered the cure for hay fever and any nasal allergies.

But, first, I need a human guinea pig. Any volunteers?

I noticed that with the suggestion from Annie*s Granny, I did not smell any smoke. Because, if you recall, I had an issue with

I Love Baby Gays!

and it was suggested that I use Vaseline to coat the interior of my nostril. Using, of course, Baby Gays!

I don't smell any smoke!!! Awesome!!!

Which led me to think, if you have allergies and you coat the interior of your nose, using a Baby Gay with Vaseline, the pollen and such would get stuck and no allergy attack for you!

I think I'm pretty clever. Let me know how it works out!


Ps. I now have my son, calling them Baby Gays! I'm soooo trendy!


 

Monkeys and Alcohol

First off, let me just say that I am not a regular drinker. Hell, the last beer I had was back in Hell and I have been here since Christmas.

That being said, over two weeks ago I bought a 12  pack of beer. I'm down to the last beer tonight.

I will go get out a cold can, I prefer bottle, I don't know why I bought cans. Hell, I really don't even have a fondness for beer. But hard liquor will make me want to open up a can of whoop ass.

via

Anywhoo... I will get out a cold can, drink half of it, go get another on as I know I will want it. Then I promptly forget that I have one open beer and now an unopened beer. That is how uninterested in beer I am.

The idea is soo much better than my execution. In both senses of the word.

Now remember that unopened beer? Well, who knew monkeys like beer? As soon as I set the can down, monkeys swarm it.

Fortunately, as stated earlier this is my last can.

 

PS.  No monkeys were allowed to drive after the making of this post.

via

I'm a Murderer

It was a hit and run, sorta.

I did go back and assess the damage.
I had to go back and see if I needed to run over it again.

I was on the final dirt road going to my home.
I saw it and thought "How cool!"

Then I ran it over.

I truly did NOT want to run over it. But given my rate of speed and the fact that there was an oncoming car, I squished it.

I was still thinking "How cool!" Then it dawned on me. I ran over it.

I turned around and went back, to see if I needed to put it out of it's misery. But fortunately, I got it's head the first time. It would have been tough to line up the tires for a second pass.

I originally thought it may have been this.

via

That's why I thought, "Oh cool!"
I had never seen a rattlesnake in it's natural environment. Also, I was safely tucked away in my truck. That's the best way to view a rattlesnake, in my humble opinion.

But sadly, it was this.

via

Don't be fooled by the triangular head. This baby is nonvenomous, the non elliptical pupils give it away. It's a bullsnake.
I had seen one dead on my road a few weeks ago and looked it up. It eats small rodents like mice. So, it is my hero.

I feel badly that I killed it. And I will be certain to watch for them in the future.

Rest in peace, bullsnake. I suspect you will be a coyote's dinner tonight.

via

 

Meeting Monkeys

via

Nooo. Not monkeys in a meeting!

I'm talking about meeting monkeys for the first time.

My monkeys.

My crazy monkeys.

via

Well, my son has come to stay with me for a few months.

That's what I say.

He says for a few weeks.

Judging by the amount of clothing he brought....

he's got another thing coming!

Anywhooo...back to the monkeys.

Since, Samson and Lily are the top monkeys. They got to meet the boy first.

Samson, after the initial barking of  "Who the hell are you and why are you in my house?" 

Warmed up exceptionally well.

A+

Lily, after the initial question of, "You bring cookies?" 

Took to the boy very well.

A+

Now, before I go any further, I must tell you that these are not socialized monkeys.

Meaning, they don't know people other than myself.

Okay, I left Samson and Lily out as an example for people/monkey interaction.

I brought out, Puggies.

This was a longgggg process for him.

Let's just say my ears are still ringing from the noise.

I praise my boy, as he had the patience and listened carefully and followed my directions to the letter.

Puggies is somewhat won over. I only say, somewhat, as he allows my boy to pet him for a bit. Then gets up and barks. But he comes back to be pet.

He is nervous, but not fearful.

C+

I put Puggies in my bedroom and then brought out Baby Z.

He was all barks, yet eager to meet the boy.

Especially when the boy brought out the secret weapon.

That's right.

Cookies.

Baby Z even relaxed enough to yawn and lay down, just to hang out!

B+

Well, next was the 80lb monkey. Snoopy.

Whoooboy...

I brought Snoopy out on his leash.

He was eager and loud to meet the boy.

That's when Lily stepped in. She knew that Snoopy was too eager and put him in his place.

Repeatedly.

So much so, that I had to put her up in the laundry room.

But, I was expecting this, and had warned my boy.

I was able to remove the leash from Snoopy and just hold his collar as he and my boy interacted.

Snoopy lets my boy pet him and enjoyed it too.

But this is a slow process for all involved.

Snoopy gets an A for enthusiasm but a D- for manners.

So all in all not bad for a two hour meeting!

Plus there were cookies for all!!!

via

Because Momma knows, it's tough to bark with a mouth full of cookies!