Jury Summons

via

So.....

no, 

no, 

no. 

And Thank You.

That's right my friends and pals, no.

A jury of peers...my patootie.

I have sat on juries, willingly and unwillingly. If these are my peers and those of the defendant, well, I have a very inflated view of myself. (Which is quite possible, however, doubtful.)

F Minus by Tony Carrillo

I believe the entire justice system is broken.

ACLU.Org

The best part of this? If I refuse the summons?

Any person summoned for jury service who fails to appear as directed shall be ordered by the Court to appear and show cause for his or her failure to comply with the summons. Any person who fails to show good cause for non-compliance with the jury summons may be fined $1,000.00, imprisoned for not more than 3 days, ordered to perform community service, or any combination thereof. (***Title 28, U.S.C. Section 1866(g)***).



So, if I refuse to show up, the government takes my money and up to three days of my freedom.

If and when I am asked any questions, I will offer only a two word response.

Jury Nullification

That, in it's self, should make the lawyers dismiss me on the grounds that I am a troublemaker.

Go figure......

 
Ps. If you don't see any posts after September 28th, suspect the worst and call the media! HA!

Dipping toes...

Agreed! It has been a ridiculously long time since my last post. 

Anyhoooo....

Last night, my brain decided to go rogue which is not unusual. But the problem it creates....
 I can't sleep worth a damn.

My brain decided to draft a letter (AS MY HEAD HIT THE PILLOW!!!) to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith about the decor of their home. 

Smith Family

Then it switched to thinking about a service manger who just left us, who is coincidentally...black. (I don't think it is a coincidence that he is black, I'm fairly certain that his parents are also black.)

Standing in for a former service manager

Which lead to the revelation that, I, myself, am also African-American. More on that later.

Girl With a Pearl Earring, oil on canvas, c. 1670, 46.5 cm by 40 cm

Which led my brain to conclude, I need a release. 

So, I will resume blogging so my brain can vomit out all the ridiculousness, so I can sleep in peace.

So, look forward to such blog titles as: 

Black As Me

For Pete's Sake, Learn to Drive

Snoopy Recreates His Tour of Viet Nam

What the Hell is That?!

and

Dear Smith Family


As always, thank you for giving me your time.


 

PS. I missed you guys!  : )

Things I saw last week 5.26.14

Hummingbird Moth

Lazuli Bunting

A flock of turkeys

Redwing Blackbird

Coyote

 

I'm becoming one of THOSE people

167.8

I am fat and lazy. HOLY CRAP LAZY.

I can lay blame everywhere. But, ultimately, it is my fault. Entirely.

The Blob

So yesterday, I am changing all that. (Take that, all you English majors!)

I'm too lazy to make breakfast for myself in the morning.
Hello, Egg McMuffin sans meat and butter.

Solution?

Make my super secret super healthy smoothie in advance.

Combine all the ingredients into individual pint mason jars. Blend in the morning. Drink on the morning drive.

Make quick quesadillas of egg cheese sriracha sauce and chopped green peppers and mushrooms. Green peppers and mushrooms already chopped in pint mason jars.

Lunch dilemma. I hate cold food. Hello, number 16.

Solution?

Get over it. Room temperature is okay.

Make lunch the night before.

Flour tortillas with mixed greens, spinach, tuna, salmon or turkey.

I found niffy vacuum sealed tuna and salmon packs. Why has no one told me of these?! And different flavors?! Each pack makes two tortilla sandwiches.  One for lunch and one for when I am starving.

Dinner, well???

My lazy butt needs to get moving. So, while I walk a monkey or two. I will have my rice cooker on. Cooking rice and steaming chicken and vegetables. Chicken is already sliced and marinated in individual baggies.

So, what did I mean that I am becoming one of those people?

I am going organic. At this point, I am not concerned with my fruits and vegetables. I get them from a wholesaler, cheap, cheap, cheap.

It's the meat, milk and eggs that I will concentrate on for now.

Oh, yeah, I am boycotting all Coca Cola products since I watched Blackfish on Netflix over two months ago. Coca Cola has not responded to my boycott. Of course, I never told them.

See, I'm one of THOSE people now.

I've gotta stop watching documentaries and stop reading so much.

 

Wasabi Peas

One of the funniest things I ever witnessed, happened a few years ago.

At the time I was managing a fine jewelry store. Near my location was a candy store filled with wondrous candies.

via

Hard candies, gummy candies, chocolate, coconut...oh my, oh my!

Every few days I would restock the candy jar for the sales associates.

Jelly Bellys, M&M's, mints, etc.

But I am not really a sweet eater. Though, Jelly Bellys, I will eat the hell outta those.

Fun Fact: One pound of Jelly Bellys equals almost 400 beans!

Anyhoo...

One day, I discovered wasabi peas. I didn't know what they were and I bought about a quarter pound.
I'm adventurous like that.

I found that not only did I love wasabi peas, but an added bonus was that my associates hated them.
It was a hoot to watch them taste them for the first (and last) time. Priceless.

via

I was free to leave my tasty treats on my desk without fear that they would mysteriously disappear down someone's gullet.

Anyhoo....

One day, we were visited by the district manager. A rotund man, a man that was not familiar with the word no when it came to snacking. Now, keep in mind, I really liked this guy....but....

Here's the thing, I don't like people just picking up stuff off my desk by anyone, under any circumstance.

I saw him starting to reach for my wasabi peas and I had plenty of opportunity to warn him off.....but,
I didn't.

I stood back to watch this scenario play out.

via

Cecil, as that is his name, grabbed a handful.

He approached me in the middle of the showroom floor

and popped a couple of those hot little bad boys in, expecting a sweet morsel of yumminess.

It all happened in a split second, but I swear I saw it in slo-mo.

His eyes bulged out of his head

Sweat beaded up on his bald pate

His face turned red

And then he promptly spit out my wasabi peas on my marble floor.

Wasabi peas- via

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!", he roared.

My reply?

"My desk, my peas. No please, no warning."

He laughed and cleaned up his mess.

Then I offered him, with a smile, some green M&M's which he eyed suspiciously and declined.

Moral of the story?

Old dogs can learn new tricks.


 

'Round Here 04.26.14

Bad weather brewing- my front yard

My neighbors to the north. How cool is their barn?

My backyard. That's right. I can see the Rockies from my house!

Butt Lifting Beetle

Today, which in fact, was yesterday...I saw something I had never seen.
So, I went back to my truck and grabbed my camera.

Action shot

Little bugger was moving quick, as seen in the above photo.

Gotcha!

He was moving so fast. I placed my hand in front of him to slow him down.

Downward facing dog.

What the hell?! He put his head down and lifted his butt in the air.

Reminded me of these little fellows and made me a little wary.

Not my baby skunks- via

I tried to get a good picture, but I am flying blind. Because, the monkeys chewed off the back rubberized portion of my camera. I have no clue which buttons to push for maco. Sorry, about that.

He's about an inch and a half.

So, now that I am curious as to what he is, I looked up Butt Lifting Beetle.

Well, I found this....

Not my butt, nor my car...via

Anyhoo.....

After some more searching, I found that it is called a couple of different names.

Pinacate beetle
Clown beetle

And now a better photo....

Pinacate comes from the Aztec pinacatl, for "black beetle.

Oh, and just for the record, I had good reason to be wary of the "butt lifting beetle". It is a stink bug that shoots liquid from it's butt and can temporarily blind you.

 

Visiting Cows

Tuesday, around luchtime, I went to visit some cows.

Holstein via

But, not just any ordinary cows.

More cows via

Celebrity cows.

Not this celebrity cow. via

I had forgotten all about Elsie!


To visit with my cows, I had to climb up one of these.

That is not me. via

via

I may or may not have patted their butts.

And it seems to me, that I always get in the mood for Chick fil A only on Sundays.

via

The irony is not lost on me...