Silent Sunday 41413

via

 

Adventures of the Reluctant Messiah

 

Mommies Luvs Boobies

Well, it seems I have forgotten to put in some commas in the title. It should read "Mommies, Luvs, Boobies". Can't wait to see what spam comments I get with this.

Anywhoo....

Again, I state for the record. I don't own a television nor do I watch television. That being said, guess what I saw on television.
A commercial of all things!

Hate it, Hate It, HATE IT!!!!!!!!
Just sayin'. And here's why, if you care to read further.

Yes, it is natural to breastfeed. Duh!
Yes, I have breastfed.
Those are my qualifications.
Moving on...

Boobs are part of the sexual anatomy. They don't magically change into nonsexual bags of milk the minute a woman gives birth.
Boys are going to look, men are going to look.
Hell, I'm even going to look!

What I'm saying is, PUT THOSE THINGS AWAY.
Men go to strip clubs and pay to see boobies flying. If you're going to give a free show, they will look. It doesn't matter that you have a small human being attached to your boobage.

"Oh, but people should be more mature about me breastfeeding. It's not a sexual act."
Well, again, DUH!

But let's just think back a bit. Okay? Okay.
How did you get pregnant in the first place. I'm guessing a man was involved, perhaps several.

SHOUT OUT TO MAURY!

Anyhoo....what first attracted said sperm donor? Your sparkling wit? Your high IQ? Your fine ass self dressed in a tight low cut sweater and jeans?  Yeah, just as I thought. The sparkling wit.

As a tip from one mother to another. Modesty has never gone out of style, you just have to have class to wear it well.

 

Dreams, Really?

 You may think I have a rather vivid imagination or I am a nut case. Either way, I'm still me.

I dream every night. Multiple dreams. Crazy nutball dreams. Not nightmares, just some really weird s**t.

Once I dreamt I was dating Mick Jagger. I don't even find him remotely attractive, seriously. WTH?!
 I always get him and that dude from Aerosmith confused.

via

But I find it funny how my dreams come up with all this mess.

A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was hanging out with some girlfriends at a bar. Which is odd as I have no girlfriends and I don't even recall the last time I was at a bar. But I digress.

Anywhoo.... in my dream a man comes up and starts to talk to me. He is not what you would call attractive, at all.

Oh, so close to my "dream" man

He has a full black beard, longish black hair and hairy hands. Ugh.
But he seems really nice and we chat for quite a bit. The whole time I am thinking, I bet Nair would work on the hand hair. He asks me out on a date and I say okay, as one date won't kill me.

He gets up and the stage lights up and now it is a full on concert. My girlfriends and I can see just behind the stage and the hairy guy takes off his beard and jumps up on stage and it's really

viavia

Jon Bon Jovi.

My girlfriends lose their minds. "OMG, JON BON JOVI ASKED YOU OUT ON A DATE!!!"
Umm, yeah. How about that.

Then he comes back, full beard, hairy hands and acts like nothing happened and he's not Jon Bon Jovi. I tell him the jig is up, but he acts like I don't know what I'm talking about. I ask him his name and he says Tom Lime.

I really don't get the whole dream, but sometimes shit is just weird.

Stuff I saw last week

Okay, not him.

But I did see an all pink this.

Another thing I saw, I first thought Ostrich.

But no. But there were 5 wild turkeys next to 25 in downtown Denver.

Please don't ask me why I thought Ostrich. I do not know.

via

I had a evaluator for half the day. And at one of the properties, I looked up and they had a huge green balloon floating above the complex.

Not a green ballon

So, I did what most people would do and asked our guide, "What is the circumference of the balloon?"

Most people would ask that wouldn't they?

Anywhoo...she replies, "That's a good question."

And I responded, "I know!"

My evaluator looks up and says to me, "I would never have seen that."

I looked back to the sky and said, "I always look to the sky, you never know when you will find a rainbow."

The next day, there was a meeting and my evaluator was there.

I asked, "Did we ever find out what the circumference of the balloon was?"

He laughed and said, "Twelve feet, I looked it up."

Impression made, I rest my case.

 

5 Monkeys, 1 Battle

I hate when they do this. The last time was the day of the Move and it was two battles to break up. It was brutal.

via

Tonite (Saturday), all hell broke loose and it happened so quickly. I didn't even see it start.

When I opened the bathroom door all the monkeys rushed in. Snoopy grabbed an article of clothing and started to run with it. I laughed and grabbed him. Got it away from him and the battle began. Who started it? I never saw. But the ultimate victim was Snoopy.

They all ganged up on him and it's not the first time. I first grabbed Samson and Lily. Lily slipped her collar and I couldn't hold Samson. I grabbed Baby Z and threw him in the bedroom. I then went back for Samson.

Samson will do some damage if I don't stop him. I grabbed him and with major difficulty got him in the bathroom. Now it is just two on one. Puggies and Lily on Snoopy.

Lily I grabbed and threw in the other bedroom. Bitch!

Now, it's Puggies and Snoopy. I swear if I let them it would be a fight to the death. And I am not kidding.
A bowl of water put the shock into them, as I couldn't pull them apart.
How I got Puggies in the other bathroom, I don't even know.

Blood on me, the dogs and the floors and the smell of fear urine.

via

It's insanity.

Hours later we have tentative calm.

Doctor Samson is licking the hell out of Puggies face. Puggies is Samson's favorite after Lily, but she never gets injured in any of these battles. Read that as instigator. Typical woman.

Everyone will be okay, but damn it breaks your heart and gets it racing all at the same time.

We have to get back to some serious training again.




Ps. When I had time to review the battle in my head......Lily started it all. Bitch, like I said.

A Magical Realm

I'm not sure where I moved.
Yes, Colorado.
Yes, Denver.

But something is not right.

Friday got me thinking...

When I first moved here, I saw rainbows everywhere all the time.
I saw a real live gnome in downtown Denver, last week.
I saw a mermaid on a highway.
The other night when coming up my unlit driveway, a gargoyle took flight from my fence post.

And Friday, this is what happened.

Part of my job requires me to walk around buildings. OOOOooo, exciting I know!

So, Friday, I am walking around a building and am totally engrossed in what I am doing.
That's dedication.
I'm walking in a planter that surrounds the building. It is planted with low bushes and mid-calf high juniper.

via

I can't see my feet.

Then I hear a low grrrrrrr.

My first thought of course, T R O L L S!!!!

T R O L L ! !

I actually yelled out!

Now, I didn't yell out "TROLLS". But I did yell something like "AAAAAAHHHHH"!!!!

And since I was between two buildings the sound, of course, was amplified. So, it sounded more like

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"!!!!!

What dashing young prince came to my rescue?
None, nada, zip, zero, no one.

The princess in me died a little.

So, here's a pic of a troll I found online. I believe it closely resembles what growled at me.
I, of course, never actually saw the TROLL as it was hiding behind the ground level window with the blinds closed.

Note the long ears, a clear indication of TROLLness.

PS. When I related this story to a friend, I was told I was being silly. As everyone knows, trolls only live under bridges.   *sigh*