Thursday, April 18, 2013

Dating and 5 Monkeys...

Not gonna happen.

But I have been thinking.
I may have a plan.

Let me just say that as a woman with five monkeys, if I had no monkeys I would probably not want to date a man with five monkeys.

Five monkeys equal mental issues. Jus' sayin'.

Unless of course, it's a really sexxy man with a lot of land and five monkeys. And a full time housekeeper, an ugly one.

But back to my plan.

I will put myself out there and see what swims close.
Then as things progress, as I am a most fascinating creature, he will want to come over. But I will make excuses that have nothing to do with monkeys.

He will be so over the top about me, but a little suspicious as to why I won't have him over my home.

I will go to his place. We will have wild sex everywhere.
Roller coasters, cars, bridges, etc. And yes, his house will have all this.


Now that he is so enthralled by me and drunk on sex, he will begin to question why he can't come over.

Then I will tell him I am married.

This will shock him, of course. But he is soooo inebriated by love he makes the
ultimate declaration of love.

"I will have to kill your husband."

Then we jump into the car to do the deed. We race back to my home in order to kill my husband.
We go into the house...

Now, knowing that he truly loves me, I will break the news of no husband.
I have five monkeys.

If he freaks, I will have the monkeys tear him from limb to limb.
If he thinks, "This is Awesome." I will keep him.

Seems like a win win situation to me.



  1. At least you have a plan. Though I'm not sure a man that's willing to kill is one that you should keep around, regardless of whether or not he likes monkeys. :)

  2. Okay, that does it! You can't come over and play on the roller coaster and you re uninvited to the wedding. However, don't forget to leave your gift on the table. : )

    1. Alright, I may have rushed to judgement there. By all means, who am I to judge you if you want to marry a killer. Now can I play on the roller coaster? No? Is it because you know I am secretly judging you for wanting to marry a killer? Ok then.

  3. All judging aside. You get one ride, after you leave the gift on the table.