Let's Stay On Topic, Shall We?

So my last post had to do with public restrooms.
Let's continue this vein of thought, shall we?

I swear to everything you believe in that this happened.
In fact, it happened last month.

I solemnly swear..

Recently, I had the occassion to visit a public restroom in a hospital.
There were three stalls.

Three stalls

It was similar to this, with the exception of the third stall which was the handicap stall. Or as I like to call it, "Mine".

Anywhoo....stall one and three were occupied so I chose the empty middle stall.
I'm clever like that!

Now, as most women can tell you, we try to be discrete as possible. Seriously, it is ridiculous.
As if we all haven't read the book.....

Except me, rose petals, dammit!

They should come out with a book, "Everyone Pees"
I, of course, do not. I water flowers.

Anywhoo....

So, it is deadly quiet.
Quiet.
So, quiet, that if an ant walked across the tile floor, we would think it were tap dancing.
Sniper quiet.
Library closet quiet.
Helen Keller quiet.

Got it, yet? I mean silent.
Snow falling on cotton, quiet.
Bear shitting in the woods, quiet.

Then.....
from the handicap stall....
I hear
the unmistakable
sound
of
a
tampon being unwrapped.

And
I
loudly
and
excitedly
said.......

DID

SOMEONE

BRING

CANDY?!!

 Now, remember that tap dancing ant? 

Well, he must have shucked those tap dancing shoes for house slippers,because it was quiet.

I mean, depths of the ocean quiet.

I mean, far side of the moon quiet.

Meanwhile, I'm in the center stall. Both hands clamped over my mouth and tears streaming down my face.