Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Obesity in America

Not my butt!!

Personally, I am allllll for it!!!

 Again, not my butt!
Again, not my butt!

Bring on those fat juicy buttocks!

 Not butts, that I personally know!
Not butts, that I personally know.

That's right girls! I want you to pile on those pounds!
I want your cup to overfloweth until you damn near EXPLODE!!

HELL!  I will even buy you a box of Girl Scout cookies!

 And yes, yes I would...
Yes, yes I would.
NO, THIN MINTS FOR YOU, SISTER!! I want you bursting out of your big girl panties!

You go, Girl!

That's right! Samoas Girl Scout cookies! Alllll for you!

In fact, eat the whole nation of Samoa!!! You can start with this lovely family right here!!

Not my family.
And don't forget to finish up their last meal.

Now, you may be asking yourself...."Self? Why is the Chick on the Big Butt Bandwagon?"
I looked for a picture of a Big Butt Bandwagon and found nada. Humph!

Well, of course, it is entirely self-serving.

It's because I am tall. And I am tired of squeezing in between the toilet paper dispenser and the hanging trashcan on the other side. I am tired of having to damn near straddle the toilet just to close the door behind me in a public restroom. When did they decide to shrink the public stalls to the size of commercial airline lavatories?!

Plenty of room to dance, but no room to pee.
So, Girls. Get BIG, Get Round, Get Fat. The bigger you get, the more room I get.
If you happen to knock out a wall of a stall, all I can say is "Bless you, you Beautiful Behemoth."

Ps. Not that I ever have use for a toilet, as only rose petals fall from my butt!

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