Saturday, June 8, 2013

Facebook and Friends?

First let me say, I have no friends.
That statement makes me laugh.

I have never been on Facebook, up until about two weeks ago.
I have three friends listed. All three are male. I have slept with none and will not ever.

I'm not sure what a friend is anymore. the last state I lived in, I worked for the company that I work for today. I transferred to Colorado purely for sanity's sake! I am serious about that. Deadly serious.

Well, there was this guy that worked there and he just sent me a friend request.

O M G!!!!!

I could not stand him. A T  A L L !!!

At one point he tried to be macho manly with me and well, unfortunately he decided to do this in front of his subordinates.

I still have his testicles in a jar on my desk.

That's the short version.

Now, just so you realize how devious I can be, I left him a surprise parting gift.

Did I give him back his testicles? No.

But, what I did do, is this.

I had a Subway sandwich bag and a couple of napkins. I found a desiccated flying squirrel and wrapped it in the Subway napkins and placed it in the Subway bag. Oh, don't ask about the squirrel it was a gag gift for some one else. 

Rocky the Cartoon Flying Squirrel via

Anywhoo... I placed the bag in his desk drawer for him to find at a later date. Oh, say a couple days. He was moving into a new office. I waited and waited to hear of his implosion, of his having a mental breakdown, maybe him offering a cash reward for the culprit that hid a dead squirrel in his desk.

But, nothing happened.

O M G !!!! See!!! I wasn't lying when I told you I owned his testes.

Now he wants to be my Facebook friend? 

I really don't get it.

Ps. I just want to point out how nice I can be. I could have posted pics of testicles in a jar and a dead squirrel. But I did not. You don't even have to thank me!


1 comment:

  1. I don't do Facebook. If I did, I'd send you a friend request. I have no testicles, so I think I'm safe.