I'm not really fat. But I no longer weigh my svelte 125-135 lbs. It drives him nutty.
Anywhoo....I will tell you this story on the condition that you never tell him. K?
My mornings start out around 4:30 am.
Sucks, I know!
So around nine am I am starving. Not really, but my tummy tells me I must eat or I will die in about 5 days or so. Me, being the rational person that I am, realize I am not ready to die so I drive to the nearest McDonald's.
I always order the same thing. Either the number one, Canadian bacon Egg McMuffin or the number two. Sausage Egg McMuffin. It varies only because of price. Which ever is cheaper, that's the one I order.
This is my exact order Monday.
Him: Hi! Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?
Me: Hi! May I have a number one, with no meat and instead of a coffee may I have an unsweetened ice tea?
Him: Sweetened or unsweetened?
Me: Unsweet, please.
I am watching the little screen that shows my order.
Unsweet tea. Check!
Umm, wait. It doesn't say no meat yet.
Me: And no meat please.
Him and he sounds exasperated with me: There is no meat on the Egg McMuffin.
Just bacon, egg and cheese.
Me: Ummm, bacon is meat.
When I pull up to the window the woman looks at me and says, "He doesn't usually work this shift."
Oh, hell, that did me in I was laughing so hard I had tears!